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[November 10, 2009] |
i don't know what that's supposed to mean, i just know it's true.
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[November 10, 2009] |
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i got 72 problems and a bug bites are all of them.
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[November 08, 2009] |
i like that so much. this weekend was ridiculous and amazing. somehow a cinnamon clove found its way to me last night while i was very much so buzzing at a party with great people. this country, these people, this love, this society, everything... there are so many good things here. in the US i have this protection and government and rights and stupid shit im supposed to care about... here i have LOVE from everyone anywhere i go in the strangest way. you cannot understand this. i love the US, i do. i appreciate it. but i hate it. i hate hate it. i watched v for vendetta yesterday. all i feel like is nothing matters but your heart. its amazing the love you find in the places that are supposed to be so unfortunate. but really, its just like i figured... when you have nothing else, all youve got is your heart. this doesnt make sense and im so fried. goodnight.
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[November 07, 2009] |
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tomorrow i hope to explain more and post the pictures... BUT I JUST HAD THE BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY I HAVE EVER HAD WITH THE COOLEST FRIENDS HERE. i lovee life. <3
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[November 04, 2009] |
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my head of hair looks quite funky. i'm almost 18. i'm waiting for juan pablo to call me and say happy birthday. im also waiting because my mom is trying to send me a really long movie that she and adam and danielle made for me... i cant wait. i hope tomorrow is cool. meow. i should sleep.
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[November 04, 2009] |
so i am sitting in my bathroom with red hair dye spewed all about my head... i dont know what i just did but in about 25 minutes and a shower we will find out. in the meantime;
i just got home from a fucking ridiculous weekend in cuenca. i went to a rave called "trippy trippy" and yes what you picture in your head is what it really was. i have a bruised lip. i stayed in someone's penthouse overlooking the whole city. i want to tell you all about it but i just dont know where to start. maybe next entry ill post some of my real journal notes.
i might write a novel for november... or just work on making my journal into a novel. cant decide.
i have one more day left to live as a 17 year old girl. i should do something.
my ukulele is waiting for me in the post office.
okay, new entry.
EDIT: lol at the text i just got.
"me llamo marcelo. te conoci en el tripy tripy. soy de guayaquil. acuérdate que bailaste conmigo! remember i told you i practiced motocross"
oh god.
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[November 03, 2009] |
so adam just told me these things and they rock:
"this is weird but when you imed me i got the fast heart christmas morning feeling because i miss you so much and havent talked to you in so long"
"richard is around me alot and i say "we got her" alot
and now he says "we got her" but it sounds like "E gutter"
germans rock"
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[October 29, 2009] |
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so talor has this book called "dirty spanish" and we bring it to english class everyday. no one ever does anything in this class, so we just sit with our boys and make them say things in english and we say things in spanish and its so funny. i need to bring a camera... anyway! i wish i had one today because the teacher came over and took the book from miguel's hands.... she was just reading it and trying to say the sentences in english. (she sucks so bad at english) so talor is already just dying laughing because its her book and thats awkward.. then the teacher is trying to say "im gonna spread your cheeks and make your asshole look like the holland tunnel," but she can't pronounce "asshole" (or anything LOL) and she keeps saying "ash hole" and shes like, "kelsey, what is this word? no really, what is it!?" and i am crying laughing.. "REALLY, tell me please. what does this mean?" oh my god i love english class. <3
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[October 28, 2009] |
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i love sarah allee and everything she just posted here.
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[October 28, 2009] |
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it would be so expensive and time consuming, but i would really like to find some way to print my lj out and have it as a book for myself... not all of it. but most of it. shit. someday it wont be here, i know it.
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[October 26, 2009] |
eeehehe. just some clippies of my life so far.
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[October 26, 2009] |
juan pablo just called me from a million hours away to tell me to feel better and give me a kiss. i like that. i just snuggled under my blankets while he told me stories about cooking 'ho-kays' yesterday... and then finally realizing that he was saying "hot cakes" and more specifically this "food of gringos" he was talking about was PANCAKES. so adorable. he asks me, "por qué siempre estás riendo, mi preciosa." and i just tell him that i haven't got a clue.
we hung up and i got up to go downstairs and get some juice. i opened my door and there was a pamphlet about quito in the doorway... i don't know why or what it means, but i liked that. thats is where he is.
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| volverse loca. |
[October 26, 2009] |
i have spent a lot of time in the past week in cars driving across a third world country. i've been thinking and occasionally scratching things into my notebook. here are a ridiculous few things:
I:
we were driving through the desert and all of a sudden there was this slight bulge in the ground.. barely a hill. we got out of the car and walked through electronic doors into a world where we felt damp and cold. wandering through a maze of stalactites and stalagmites. (reference 1, reference 2.)
now im in a car driving across a desert on the other side of the world. i see these small bumpy hills... i imagine all the worlds hidden in our spec of dust.
what the fuck is an atom?
i am so tiny and i ignore this and fight to starve myself. while everything matters- NOTHING MATTERS! sometimes i look at satellite dishes and cell phone towers and laugh hysterically. i shut my mouth in front of her and i wont wear this with him. i should punch myself but then i think of how i never have to listen to anyone ever again and i dont punch myself. instead i promise myself to stop thinking so much.
i think of dust.
II:
Figuring myself out;
-I get bored....
"i'm curious, adventurous, yearning for new things, stimulation, new, things like this..."
just say it- YOU GET BORED.
that's why i cant sit still. i cant stick to anything. i cant remember one constant in my life.
i cant remember anything.
im so simple really. just a balance of coming and going. not just one of the other. oh & fuck money $. ive never had a plan for too long.
i might always be saying WHO AM I, REALLY?
but ill really never figure that out. i just fight it. i try to mold myself into little bits of everyone. is that normal? is that how we become who we are or are we just as is. i dont know... we're supposed to be selfless but i'm always going to be with myself. i know that.
III:
i used to think about water and life so so much. now im thinking about myself and water. just forming to the container. reflecting the colors around it. it just breaks right apart over and over and goes right back together. stains and purifies. lose a drop here, and then it rains and overflows again. it hurts my head when i do this for too long.
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[October 22, 2009] |
just spent a week in manabí. this was my first time in the pacific ocean. east coast girl.
( just a couple photographs. )
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[October 21, 2009] |
home again. wait, home? here? home. today is 2 months. i feel like a gypsy today. i am wearing pants from australia with a tan from south america and a heart from new york. spent hours looking out the window of a van with suitcases tied to the top. just driving around dirt roads all day long. i feel like i am getting a better grip on how to be who i am.
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