all things connect.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-10T21:30:00

2009-11-11T02:31:18Z

i don't know what that's supposed to mean, i just know it's true.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-10T21:00:00

2009-11-11T02:05:45Z

and the object of my long distance affection:

juan pablo.... ecuadorian in university in quito. coming back to machala for his break sooooon! <3 there is this group of "older boys" here that talor and i hang out with all the time... "older" because they are actually our age, freshmen in college. and there is the whole gang of best friends and theyre all so funny and awesome. juan pablo is in this group but they all come home on weekends from guayaquil (3 hours) and party with us and its awesome... juan pablo cant. </3>

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-10T20:53:00

2009-11-11T01:54:04Z

i got 72 problems and a bug bites are all of them.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-08T23:19:00

2009-11-09T04:36:02Z

i like that so much. this weekend was ridiculous and amazing. somehow a cinnamon clove found its way to me last night while i was very much so buzzing at a party with great people. this country, these people, this love, this society, everything... there are so many good things here. in the US i have this protection and government and rights and stupid shit im supposed to care about... here i have LOVE from everyone anywhere i go in the strangest way. you cannot understand this. i love the US, i do. i appreciate it. but i hate it. i hate hate it. i watched v for vendetta yesterday. all i feel like is nothing matters but your heart. its amazing the love you find in the places that are supposed to be so unfortunate. but really, its just like i figured... when you have nothing else, all youve got is your heart. this doesnt make sense and im so fried. goodnight.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-07T02:31:00

2009-11-07T07:31:56Z

tomorrow i hope to explain more and post the pictures... BUT I JUST HAD THE BEST BIRTHDAY PARTY I HAVE EVER HAD WITH THE COOLEST FRIENDS HERE. i lovee life. <3

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-04T23:33:00

2009-11-05T04:35:08Z

my head of hair looks quite funky. i'm almost 18. i'm waiting for juan pablo to call me and say happy birthday. im also waiting because my mom is trying to send me a really long movie that she and adam and danielle made for me... i cant wait. i hope tomorrow is cool. meow. i should sleep.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-04T00:23:00

2009-11-04T05:37:18Z

so i am sitting in my bathroom with red hair dye spewed all about my head... i dont know what i just did but in about 25 minutes and a shower we will find out. in the meantime;
i just got home from a fucking ridiculous weekend in cuenca. i went to a rave called "trippy trippy" and yes what you picture in your head is what it really was. i have a bruised lip. i stayed in someone's penthouse overlooking the whole city. i want to tell you all about it but i just dont know where to start. maybe next entry ill post some of my real journal notes.
i might write a novel for november... or just work on making my journal into a novel. cant decide.
i have one more day left to live as a 17 year old girl. i should do something.
my ukulele is waiting for me in the post office.
okay, new entry.

EDIT: lol at the text i just got.

"me llamo marcelo. te conoci en el tripy tripy. soy de guayaquil. acuérdate que bailaste conmigo! remember i told you i practiced motocross"

oh god.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-11-03T23:26:00

2009-11-04T04:27:38Z

so adam just told me these things and they rock:

"this is weird but when you imed me i got the fast heart christmas morning feeling because i miss you so much and havent talked to you in so long"

"richard is around me alot and i say "we got her" alot
and now he says "we got her" but it sounds like "E gutter"
germans rock"

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-29T23:30:00

2009-10-30T05:12:36Z

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-29T15:41:00

2009-10-29T21:02:30Z

so talor has this book called "dirty spanish" and we bring it to english class everyday. no one ever does anything in this class, so we just sit with our boys and make them say things in english and we say things in spanish and its so funny. i need to bring a camera... anyway! i wish i had one today because the teacher came over and took the book from miguel's hands.... she was just reading it and trying to say the sentences in english. (she sucks so bad at english) so talor is already just dying laughing because its her book and thats awkward.. then the teacher is trying to say "im gonna spread your cheeks and make your asshole look like the holland tunnel," but she can't pronounce "asshole" (or anything LOL) and she keeps saying "ash hole" and shes like, "kelsey, what is this word? no really, what is it!?" and i am crying laughing.. "REALLY, tell me please. what does this mean?" oh my god i love english class. <3

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-28T16:11:00

2009-10-28T22:33:08Z

"I believe I would rather have
Stieglitz like something- anything
I had done - than anyone else I know."
-Georgia O'Keefe. <3

"i'm sick of waking up alone, honey, i'm pleading.
let's put away the sticks and stones, be human beings.
i have the sense to be afraid to be a fool."

"Antonia pointed up to the sky and questioned me with her glance. I gave her the word, but she was not satisfied and pointed to my eyes. I told her and she repeated the word, making it sound like 'ice.' She pointed up to the sky, then to my eyes, then back to the sky, with movements so quick and impulsive that she distracted me, and I had no idea what she wanted. She got up on her knees and wrung her hands. She pointed to her own eyes and then shook her head, then to mine and to the sky, nodding violently.
'Oh,' I exlaimed, 'blue; blue sky.'
She clapped her hands and murmured, "Blue sky, blue eyes,' as if it amused her. We were so deep in the grass that we could see nothing but the blue sky over us and the gold tree in front of us. It was wonderfully pleasant"

"you always want to marry people for the weirdest reasons, kels. like when you wanted to marry mark musemeci because you liked his last name. now you want to marry robert because he can ballroom dance."
-devon niccoli

Benjamin Fraser

Their spirits beat upon mine
Like the wings of a thousand butterflies.
I closed my eyes and felt their spirits vibrating.
I closed my eyes, yet I knew when their lashes
Fringed their cheeks from downcast eyes,
And when they turned their heads;
And when their garments clung to them,
Or fell from them, in exquisite draperies.
Their spirits looked upon my torture;
They drank it as it were the water of life;
With reddened cheeks, brightened eyes
The rising flame of my soul made their spirits gilt,
Like the wings of butterfly drifting suddenly into the sunlight.
And they cried to me for life, life, life.
But in taking life for myself,
In seizing and crushing their souls,
As a child crushes grapes and drinks
From its palms the purple juice,
I came to this wingless void,
Where neither red, nor gold, nor wine,
Nor the rhythm of life is known.

"i like moths because you don't notice them at first, and when you do they are always weirdly beautiful. I like moths because they live in the night but go crazy for light. They would rather be burned up with beauty, fry themselves on lightbulbs thinking they're going to fuck the moon.

I feel a close kinship with moths."

"I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, I don't want to do that."

dream:
wooo. you asked for it. my sister needed something at tops chopper, and my dad just got home from bodees, and my mom didnt feel like driving, so shes like, 'kelsey, you drive' and im like, uh mom, i cant drive! so shes like, uh w.e do it anyway. so me and eli go out to the car bc apparently he was overand i made him drive bc hes better at it. and when we got to the yellow light there was traffic so we walked, and there were so many people around. and they were all staring at us. so eli picked me a flower and then everyone was like 'aweee thats soo sweet' and i laughed. then we kept walking until we got to a pool and hotel thing. and we were standing in this bucket of water, but we wanted to go swimming so we started walking on the cement and it was burrrrning our feet so we jumped in the pool. and then i was in the water going down farther and farther, and i somehow knew that it was 17 feet deep. so i kept going and i couldnt find the bottom. and then i found it, and i couldnt get myself to kick off. i kept trying and trying, and then i finally got it and i felt like i was shooting up foreverrr. so i got out and i was breathing so hard. and we decided to go to the shallow end. well we got there, and toby keith was there, and we talked to him about his upcoming tour while we were being recorded for cmt. hmmmm.

"too much of what is called 'education' is little more than an expensive isolation from reality."

"to jefferson's great personal satisfaction, lewis provided him with many specimens of the local wildlife, including two grizzly bear cubs which he kept for a time in a stone pit in the white house lawn."

"Before that, like every beginner, I thought you could beat, pummel, and thrash an idea into existence."

"Bees do have a smell, you know, and if they don't, they should, for their feet are dusted with spices from a million flowers."

"Ugliness is a concept that we happen on later and become self concious about."

"they had never been closer in their month of love, nor communicated more profoundly with one another, then when she brushed silent lips against his coat's shoulder or when he touched the end of her fingers, gently, as though she were asleep."
- fitzgerald, the great gatsby

SmarterChild: What would you like me to remind you about?
danhanczykiscool: to fuck your mother
SmarterChild: When would you like me to remind you to fuck my mother? (Type a time, date and time, number of minutes or number of hours.)

"so, i thought i saw a lynx in the backyard the other day- turns out it was just a cat."
im like.. "uh dad, there are no lynx in the backyard?"
and hes like.. "uh, i mean bobcat. i mis-spoke."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

"this boy- his name was eric- said he thought it was disgusting the way all the girls at my college stood around on the porches under the porch lights and in the bushes in plain view, necking madly before the one o'clock curfew, so everybody passing by could see them. a million years of evolution, eric said bitterly, and what are we? animals."

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-28T15:03:00

2009-10-28T20:04:10Z

i love sarah allee and everything she just posted here.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-28T00:50:00

2009-10-28T05:51:38Z

it would be so expensive and time consuming, but i would really like to find some way to print my lj out and have it as a book for myself... not all of it. but most of it. shit. someday it wont be here, i know it.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-26T21:46:00

2009-10-27T02:51:56Z

eeehehe. just some clippies of my life so far.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-26T13:50:00

2009-10-26T18:57:16Z

juan pablo just called me from a million hours away to tell me to feel better and give me a kiss. i like that. i just snuggled under my blankets while he told me stories about cooking 'ho-kays' yesterday... and then finally realizing that he was saying "hot cakes" and more specifically this "food of gringos" he was talking about was PANCAKES. so adorable. he asks me, "por qué siempre estás riendo, mi preciosa." and i just tell him that i haven't got a clue.
we hung up and i got up to go downstairs and get some juice. i opened my door and there was a pamphlet about quito in the doorway... i don't know why or what it means, but i liked that. thats is where he is.

volverse loca.

2009-10-26T15:24:48Z

i have spent a lot of time in the past week in cars driving across a third world country. i've been thinking and occasionally scratching things into my notebook. here are a ridiculous few things:

I:
we were driving through the desert and all of a sudden there was this slight bulge in the ground.. barely a hill. we got out of the car and walked through electronic doors into a world where we felt damp and cold. wandering through a maze of stalactites and stalagmites. (reference 1, reference 2.)
now im in a car driving across a desert on the other side of the world. i see these small bumpy hills... i imagine all the worlds hidden in our spec of dust.
what the fuck is an atom?
i am so tiny and i ignore this and fight to starve myself. while everything matters- NOTHING MATTERS! sometimes i look at satellite dishes and cell phone towers and laugh hysterically. i shut my mouth in front of her and i wont wear this with him. i should punch myself but then i think of how i never have to listen to anyone ever again and i dont punch myself. instead i promise myself to stop thinking so much.
i think of dust.

II:
Figuring myself out;
-I get bored....
"i'm curious, adventurous, yearning for new things, stimulation, new, things like this..."
just say it- YOU GET BORED.
that's why i cant sit still. i cant stick to anything. i cant remember one constant in my life.
i cant remember anything.
im so simple really. just a balance of coming and going. not just one of the other. oh & fuck money $. ive never had a plan for too long.
i might always be saying WHO AM I, REALLY?
but ill really never figure that out. i just fight it. i try to mold myself into little bits of everyone. is that normal? is that how we become who we are or are we just as is. i dont know... we're supposed to be selfless but i'm always going to be with myself. i know that.

III:
i used to think about water and life so so much. now im thinking about myself and water. just forming to the container. reflecting the colors around it. it just breaks right apart over and over and goes right back together. stains and purifies. lose a drop here, and then it rains and overflows again. it hurts my head when i do this for too long.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-26T09:35:00

2009-10-26T14:58:09Z

^ my swiss little brother alexis. <3 my god he is so funny.
"i have a german accent?!.... shit, i didn't know."

^anna gistelli. quite possibly my soulmate.

^talor bby spotted those earrings for $3 when we were exploring the shady part of machala. :X

^the most normal americans evar.

^ PROM! mathilde from france, yop, talor.

^BOIZ! yay for our out-of-colegio friends. gustavo was my date, he is the one that wayyy too tall behind me. muaaa. <3

^homie and pikachu! hahah he speaks really good english bc he lived in the bronx for 2 months and he loves to call me pikachu. AND we talk about that 70's show together = bffz.

carlosssss. <3 my favorite sweet little white ecuadorian. always gives me candy.

^crowd for a soccer game in guayaquil at a fair.

^the little 16 year old danish gem, julie. she actually lived in greenland until she was about 13, so she considers her self greenlandic. so proper, so adorable. <3

^school girls... actually not really friends with any of them.

here are some pics of me waiting for the buseta in the rain with my boyfriends. <3

^yeah you werent expecting that last one were you...
he doesn't speak english and they call him "chookie" aka chuckie. :D

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-22T12:14:00

2009-10-22T17:27:48Z

just spent a week in manabí. this was my first time in the pacific ocean. east coast girl.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-21T23:48:00

2009-10-22T05:03:05Z

home again. wait, home? here? home. today is 2 months. i feel like a gypsy today. i am wearing pants from australia with a tan from south america and a heart from new york. spent hours looking out the window of a van with suitcases tied to the top. just driving around dirt roads all day long. i feel like i am getting a better grip on how to be who i am.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-15T20:57:00

2009-10-16T02:28:12Z

Other than a person, what was the last thing you cuddled with?
my hippo. <3

Are you capable of holding down a long-term relationship?
probably, yeah.

Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to?
maybe. yeah i think so.

If your best friend made out with your boyfriend/ girlfriend, what would you do?
i would say, "da halleeee u doin?"

When was the last time you were in a very good mood?
today. yesterday. everyday.

What is bothering you right now?
nothing really, my tummy a little. the inside of it, that is.

What are you excited for?
PROM TOMORROW NIGHT! lol.

Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
probz not. maybe my mom bc we are skyping.

Have you ever done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?
surely. constantly.

Do you wear your feelings all over your face?
i dont know, i think sometimes.

Name something great that happened today.
i ate cake. always a good time.

What are you doing Saturday?
well i will be partying at prom in the wee hours of the morning, barely sleeping, then at 7:30 am leaving for manabí AKA a week of partyyying on the beach with gringos!

What is the last movie that you watched?
uhm, tierra perdida, what is that in english? lost world? with wil ferrel... soooo terrible.

Do you like when people play with your hair?
like you wouldnt believe.

Is there a specific moment you can replay in your mind perfectly?
lots and lots.

Have you ever gone a whole day without eating?
i dont know. probably not.

Are you annoyed with anyone in your house?
not right now.

Would you marry someone you didn't love if you were paid 10 thousand dollars?
nooo!

Do you have a cat?
yes!

What do you think people say about you behind your back?
that im annoying and/or psycho probs.

Have you ever laughed so hard that you peed your pants?
nah.

What instruments do you wish you could play?
lots, all, many. accordian and cello.

Do you prefer sweet or spicy food?
sweet? any food.

Is there anything purple near you?
not really. oh wait my dress.

How do you feel right now?
full.

What's one thing that would instantly make you dislike a person?
being really arrogant. oyy.

What do you drink a lot of?
water, juice here in ecuador. fresh juice all the time.

Anyone jealous of you or anything you have?
mmm, maybe. but they shouldnt be.

Have you told anyone you miss them lately?
yes, all the time.

Is there anywhere else you would rather be?
i miss a lot of things, but i am content here for now!

Have you ever liked anyone that treated you like crap?
oh man, this is what we do.

Are your fingernails painted?
clear polish yes.

Where is your biological father right now?
new york.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos?
yes yes yes.

Have you ever liked someone you didn't expect to?
yes!

What is the last drink you drank?
uhm, cokeee.

Who was the last person you were in a car with who was under 18?
julie!

What does your last text message say (inbox)?
"Earthquake drills! WHAT? BANANAS!"

Is your best friend single?
nahz.

Would you put a "one way" sign in your room, and point it toward your bed?
that's so stewpid to axe me.

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed walked out of your life?
lolol, no.

What was on your mind mostly today?
prom prom prom. MASSAGE TOMORROW!

Are you happy with the way things are going?
yes yes yes.

Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
yes yes yes.

When was the last time you were on the phone after 2AM?
mmm, the other night.

Has a boy/girl ever sang to you?
yes yes yes. a few of them. how charming.

Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?
BABY GIRL BRIDGET I MISS YOU AND NYC.

Did you drink any coffee today?
nopee.

Are you currently sad about anything?
mmm, no not really.

Is there something you want to say to someone but can't/ won't?
sure i think so.

Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with an J?
last person.

What about a D?
yes.

What about an M?
yes.

Have you ever kissed a total stranger that just went up to you, and you only knew them for just a minute?
nope.

Can money buy happiness?
no no no. but it can buy you nice shit yo.

Can you drive a stick shift?
yut!

Do you care if people talk badly about you?
ehh, i dont wanna know about it, but really not my prob.

Are you going out of town soon?
im already out of town, but im leaving this town soon for vacation too.

When was the last time you cried?
uhm, today a little. dad sent me a card.

Have you ever told someone you loved them?
yes of course.

If you could change your eye color would you?
no.

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?
i dont know.

Is there a boy that you would do absolutely everything for?
no.

Name something you dislike about the day you're having?
not much of anything...

Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?
so so cute.

Are you dating the last person you talked to?
my cousin here... nope.

Who was the last person you talked to in person?
the nanny celeste.

What are you sitting on right now?
bed.

Does anyone regularly - other than family - tell you they love you?
my girlies.

Have you ever wanted someone you can't have?
oh hale ya.

A random person yells to you "aybaybay." You say?
whuddup and a head nod i think.

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?
mami dearest.

Where is the shirt you are wearing from?
dress from.... idk?

Does anyone hate you?
probz maybe.. idk.

Do you like watching scary movies?
such a scaredy cat

Do you want your tongue pierced?
mmm nope.

If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?
none.

Did you have a dream last night?
i think so.

Do you know anyone with such a terribly annoying voice that you can't even stand?
ohhh yes.

When was the last time you told someone you loved them?
just now.

Do you think you'll be married in 5 years?
doubt it/hope not.

Do you think someone has feelings for you?
maybe....

Could you see yourself with someone forever?
not right now. im not sure if ever.

Whats bothering you?
nada really.

How old will you be on your next birthday?
18!

Looking forward to anything?
prom, manabí, birthday...

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-13T22:41:00

2009-10-14T03:49:55Z

my familyyyyy and some other random things...

^zomg cutest smiley face evar!

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-12T14:36:00

2009-10-12T19:43:08Z

i've been listening to circles by as tall as lions on repeat for nearly an hour. i really didnt mean to ignore my alarm this morning, but i did and i woke up at 11. ate lunch with the nanny and the maid. crawled back into bed and talked to juan pablo on the phone from hours away. quiero acostarme todo el día. where are my ganas? i really just dont have a clue what i am feeling, what is happening, nothing. 8.5 more months.. that was fast.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-09T11:00:00

2009-10-09T16:06:33Z

oh man i just remembered the dream i had last night. i want to get a tattoo so i finally picked out some quote (damn i wish i could remember) and got it tattooed across a good chunk of my lower back.. but i guess i forgot to pick a different font or something..? and it was in this stupid writing and i realized it when i got home and i was so upset because i was going to have it for the rest of my life. then i cried and cried and tried to scrub it off with soap and it didnt work.

*ps, some dude just barged into my room while im sitting here fan blowin on me in my pjs and was like "OH DISCULPA" *forgive me* and then walked out.. then he waited 2 minutes and knocked and was like "hi good morning, excuse me, im fixing the lamp in the hall here and i just want to look at the electrical stuff in here." no we are chillin. iight ima go make some grilled cheese. l8r.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-09T03:23:00

2009-10-09T08:38:52Z

oooh i could just dance forever. i just spent the night dancing with the tallest ecuadorian boy i have ever seen. he's got some good height over 6 feet im thinkin... that was an experience. hi, im 5'1". the end.

los_rascacielos @ 2009-10-08T14:53:00

2009-10-08T20:21:39Z

so first of all, watch this youtube video....

i had exactly that kind of moment today, sort of.
i was in the school van this morning and we were just bopping along to school.
the song below comes on the radio and everyone is just noddin their heads, humming along.
i had never heard the song before so i was like, "are they really saying that?!"
hahahah it was such a great 4 minutes of my life. <3
no one had a clue... just lots of little kids and me, listening to this song. :)